Thank you to our incredible partner, The Well Community for Women, for hosting our Resource Closet!

 

 

Roses Collection – Youth Art Project for Rise Above 2025

 

 

 

Volunteers from our Gratitude with GRACE Thanksgiving Party!

The post 2025 GRACE Impact Report appeared first on GRACE.

Most of us can name our favorite romance movie. You know, the one where the guy meets the girl, swoops her off her feet, saves her in her time of need. We sometimes think that kind of love only happens in fairy tales, and some of us are lucky enough to experience it in real life.

Unfortunately, this picture perfect, best-seller movie kind of love also looks a lot like a tactic used by traffickers to build a close relationship with at-risk youth in order to gain their trust and exploit them. What makes a youth “at-risk”? This can look like a child living in poverty or foster care without a safe support system and having to depend on someone else to meet their essential needs like food, shelter, and security. Combine that with a national epidemic of loneliness and isolation, traffickers look to weaponize this in the form of a loving relationship.

How to Talk About Trafficking Relationships

With February revolving around love with the celebration of Valentine’s day, it is important to understand unhealthy signs in relationships and ensure the safety of yourself, your loved ones and San Diego youth. Let’s start with a little bit of terminology.

• Grooming is when a predator builds a relationship based on charm or helpfulness with a child or adult to exploit or abuse them. This relationship is built upon trust with intentions to control, isolate or abuse victims emotionally, physically or sexually.

• Love Bombing is a manipulative tactic in which predators will smother partners with affection early on in the relationship in an effort to build trust and dependence. This is intended to cause a power imbalance and a feeling of obligation causing the partner to abide by any abuse or request made by the love bomber in the future.

• Boyfriending is when a predator, usually an older man, will form a romantic relationship with an at-risk youth. This is often paired with gift-giving and promising a desirable future together. After trust is built, the predator will encourage their partner to exploit themselves to make money for “their future”.

How Predators Weaponize Romance

According to Hope for Justice, 39 out of 44 girls who have been trafficked were groomed online first, and the NIH found that 31% of trafficking cases began with official romantic relationships. Predators in these cases utilize social media or dating profiles to identify risks who may be more vulnerable to trafficking. They often look for indications of loneliness, poor family relationships or family trauma, alcohol or drug abuse, or a lack of basic necessities like housing or food.

Because so much of the trust-building occurs in the early stages of these relationships, it is important to understand the warning signs of grooming, love bombing, and boyfriending.

Grooming tends to be the most well known of these three trafficking methods. Oftentimes someone the youth knows will suddenly desire a closer, and more private, relationship. This is followed by flattery and gift giving to build dependence and gain leverage to use as a means of control in the future.

Love bombing is much more emotional, and can be detected by excessive affection, premature “I love you’s” and a focus on forming a codependent relationship to abuse.

Boyfriending is very similar to love bombing, however it includes more of a material aspect. Predators will enter romantic relationships and give gifts and promise a better future for their partner. In doing so, they will manipulate their partner into believing they need them to exploit themselves for money for a very small amount of time, however this exploitation will later be used as a form of blackmail.

Another tactic commonly used by traffickers is isolation to eliminate an escape route. In any relationship, consider the opinions and concerns of loved ones, as they may be able to see past certain potential concerns. Additionally, as a family member and loved one, it is important to speak up if you see anything suspicious in the relationships of those you care about. Sadly, many people do not know about the ways traffickers target and manipulate people through romantic relationships, and can overlook the danger they may be in.

Romantic movies are worth watching, and a love fit for the big screens does exist, but in all relationships; trust your gut and community, and remember the warning signs and tactics used by predators in the process of exploiting youth.

Resources

If you or someone you know is in a relationship like this and are concerned, here are steps you can take:

• Call the National Human Trafficking Hotline toll-free hotline at 1-888-373-7888: Anti-Trafficking Hotline Advocates are available 24/7 to take reports of potential human trafficking.
• Text the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 233733. Message and data rates may apply.
• Read more at How to Talk to Youth About Human Trafficking: A Guide for Youth Caretakers and Individuals Working with Youth

Girls Rising Above Child Exploitation is a San Diego-based nonprofit and works to support, empower, and provide services to trafficked, exploited, and at-risk youth. Learn more at https://girlsrisingabove.org/

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Impactful Survivor Stories and Support

• Supported a youth with her EMT school by providing her custom uniform for her program – she has now graduated and gotten a job!
• Getting a young mom with two kids into safe temporary shelter while continuing to assist with housing resources and groceries – she will be moving into her first new apartment after Christmas!
• Connecting a survivor mentor to current G.R.A.C.E. youth to empower them and teach them how to become resilient
• Continuing to support a survivor in her rehabilitation journey as she seeks to be a better mom for her daughter
• Ongoing mentorship for each of our youth to help with decision making, confidence, and provide them a support system

In addition to our GRACE Creatives and GRACE University programs, we launched our first GRACE Empower Group Therapy program to provide the youth with a healing space with licensed therapists.

“Doing group therapy has helped me realize that I am not alone when I hear the other girls’ experiences.” 

We love partnering with other organizations to create a larger impact which is why we also partner with the San Diego Youth Services ICARE program and The Well Community for Women.

“I am grateful for the community, the support, and constant reminder to give myself literal Grace! I am grateful for childcare for my daughter during group and being cared for by people that barely know me.” 

Aiding our youth in recovery goes far beyond our after-school programs. With the support of our sponsors and your generous giving, we were able to meet their gap needs including emergency situations:

• 1 Host Home family for a youth dealing with unstable housing
• Groceries for 20 at-risk youth, survivors and their children
• Livescan fee for a survivor to get her first job in childcare
• Drivers Ed classes for 10 youth
• Apartment furnishings for 2 youth
• A prom ticket and formal dresses
• Baby gear and new mom supplies for 4 survivors
• Diapers and wipes for 6 parenting survivors
• Weekly childcare for young GRACE moms
• College application fee and re-enrollment fee for 2 survivors
• 2 laptops to survivors re-enrolling in school
• Job assistance for 10 youth
• Backpacks filled with supplies for back-to-school to 50 at-risk kids
• Nutrition classes along with individual coaching (Thank you Stephania!)
• A stocked pantry full of food, clothing, toiletries, and incentives (Thank you Submerge Church and STAT! Soroptomist Club)
• Special hygiene + self care kits for homeless youth
• A Galentines Celebration (Thank you New Break Ocean Beach)
• 100 Period Menstrual Kits (Thank you Period. Cyclical Care and Dignity for All)
• Thanksgiving & Christmas Celebrations (Thank you Newbreak Church, OB 1 Church and volunteers)
• Christmas Wishlist presents and stockings
• Outings to the pumpkin patch, bowling, movie theater, ceramic painting, ice skating, and more!

Thank you Mission Beach Womens Club for hosting fundraisers for GRACE this year!

We also hosted our 6th Annual RISE ABOVE Benefit at the Mission Beach Women’s Club with Travel by Becks, Submerge Church, Brockman Family & Friends, Airhawk International, Salt & Rind, San Pasqual Band of Mission Indians Domestic Violence/Family Resource Center, Frontline Medical, Lorimar Group, FIX Medical Group, Stephania Rene Personal Training, Saltry Kitchen, Gratsi Wine, Burning Beard Brewery, Juneshine, Cravory Cookies, Havyn Candles, and Marqueza Wine Bar as our sponsors!

Check out the photos taken by Jena Willard Photography HERE and be sure to join us next year!

We are incredibly blessed to have had such an impactful year and with your support we hope to make an even bigger difference next year! There is still time to make your end-of-year tax-deductible donation for 2024. Click HERE to make a one-time donation with a lasting impact on the lives of these vulnerable yet worthy youth.

Don’t miss out on your exclusive GRACE + Havyn candle when you become a monthly donor in 2025! https://givebutter.com/GRACEcandle2025

Thank you again for your support over the last 7 years. We look forward to partnering with you again next year. Have a blessed New Year!

The G.R.A.C.E. Team

Girls Rising Above Child Exploitation Inc

The post GRACE 2024 Year-In-Review – Survivor Impact Report appeared first on GRACE.

As many of you may know, GRACE is funded by the donations of individuals. We do not rely on government grants to provide our services and programming. We rely on the generosity of our community and church partners. Through the giving of Newbreak, Grove, and Rise City Churches we were able to bring on quality staff to lead our programs and care for the youth we serve. I want to highlight the hearts and efforts of the amazing team behind GRACE. Lauren Lowney is our compassionate Program Coordinator who is working on her Masters in marriage and family therapy at Azuza Pacific University. Alexis Romo is one of our fantastic program facilitators who also manages our social media while she attends Point Loma Nazarene University. Alexandra Stephenson is our newest program facilitator who has experience in nonprofit management, a talent for the arts, and a passion to serve. Emily Merrell, Sarah Bell, and Mackenzie Harris are our wonderful interns from Point Loma Nazarene University. Emily & Sarah completed their Spring and Summer internships and Mackenzie is currently with us for her Fall and Winter internship. The progress we have made with the GRACE youth this year would not be possible without these incredible ladies and the people who support them! Thank you. 

We have many sponsors and supporters that keep our programs going and allow us the flexibility to provide services where needed. We partner with several government-funded programs that provide the clinical counseling and care that the youth need and GRACE provides all of the alternate resources needed for full recovery and integration to prevent the trafficking cycle from continuing. With the support of our sponsors and your generous giving, we were able to provide the following additional services this year to our youth and transition-age-youth (TAY):

• Sent 3 youth to driving school to get their license
• Provided auto insurance for a youth that passed her DL test and got her 1st car
• Issued 5 donated macbook pro’s to our GRACE University participants starting college
• Provided school supplies for several youth and their children 
• Provided a cosmetology kit for a youth starting trade school
• Provided funds for a babysitter so a TAY could attend a job interview 
• Purchased painting supplies for a TAY starting a dance studio 
• Sponsored a YMCA membership for a youth to keep her active
• Sponsored Seaworld passes for 2 youth and their children to keep them active
• Provided art supplies for youth 
• Provided groceries and supplies for a newly pregnant youth 
• Provided a baby monitor, formula, & groceries for a teen mom 
• Provided gift cards for Generate Hope residents to go shopping at Target for new clothes
• Purchased gas and grocery gift cards for 3 youth 
• Purchased Lyft & Walmart gift cards for a TAY transitioning from the hospital to a group home 
• Purchased a hotel & groceries for a TAY & her child while quarantining for a residential program 
• Provided rent for a youth leaving her trafficker 
• Helped furnish 2 TAYs 1st apartments
• Provided medical bill support for a TAY
• Paid court fines for a youth 
• Stocked the food pantry at the SDYS ICARE drop-in center
• Provided Christmas Stockings for 40 youth through SYH WE Club 
• Provided graduation baskets for 8 youth through Free to Thrive
• Provided 100 toiletry kits through MONAT

And we currently have a drive at Crossfit858 for our incentive closet! We like to incentivize the youth for attending after school programming where they get to choose a gift when they participate in group. If you would like to participate in the drive check out the GRACE post on Crossfit858’s Instagram for a list of incentive items and donation drop-off location. 

At GRACE, we love throwing celebrations and taking our youth on outings so they can finally have the child-like experiences they deserve. This year we were able to throw a Valentines Day celebration at The Well Community for Women and host Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations at the SDYS ICARE drop-in center. We had a great time taking the youth on outings to the county fair, the pumpkin patch, and ice skating. We also started a new program, GRACE Activ(ities) where we focus on movement and mindfulness to help the youth decompress to include trauma-informed yoga, breathwork, and therapeutic dog sessions. 

We also enjoy having events for our community! In February, we had our GRACE Community Thrift held at Newbreak Ocean Beach where individuals came out after our youth had their free shopping spree and they were able to fill their bags with thrifty finds for a donation. In March we joined the Blackout Trafficking Movement where we wear the same black item every day for the month of March to limit our freedom and bring awareness to the freedom being taken from these innocent lives all over the world. Jesus is Dope Apparel opens their online store every March with proceeds going back to GRACE for their black EndTrafficking merchandise. We also hosted a little black dress friend-raiser via One Hope Wines that month. In September, we joined San Diego Gives for their annual day of giving where Stephania Ochs from TSO lead a power hour virtual stretch from FIX Medical Group to help raise funds and awareness for GRACE. And in November, we hosted our annual Rise Above benefit. We love gathering all of our supporters each year at a beautiful location on sunset cliffs to celebrate the wins in our youths’ lives. This year we had Hunter Sowards from KUSI-News as our entertaining Master of Ceremonies, Jaimee Johnson from Sisters of the Streets as our powerful guest speaker, Alexandra Stephenson as our lovely live artist, and Dave Morris as our talented musician for the evening. Our Gold Sponsors were Davis Framing, Salt & Rind Society, and San Diego Eye Professionals. Our Silver Sponsor was Frontline Medical and our Bronze Sponsor was Outreach Theraplay. We had some great auction items donated by Keri Powell Art, You & Yours Distilling Co., FIX Medical Group, Salt & Rind, One Eleven Hair Boutique, Pier to Point Yoga & Wellness Center, Allison Davis Photography, OB Beans Coffee Roasters, Kasia Randall Jewelry, and more! We had beverage donations from One Hope Wines, Juneshine, and Thorne Brewing. Our cookies were donated by The Cravory, and our florals were donated by Little House of Flowers. House of Love Planning coordinated our event and everyone had an amazing time! Be sure to check out the photos from the event by Jena Willard Photography. And remember, when you buy or sell a home with Mission Real Estate and mention GRACE, a portion of their commissions will go back to our organization. Once again, a big thank-you to all of our sponsors, donors, and attendees. We hope to see you again next year! 

As you have seen, 2022 was a wonderful year and 2023 will be a great year too, but we need your support! Today is the last day to make your 2022 tax-deductible, year-end donation. While you consider your yearly donation, we ask that you please consider becoming a monthly sponsor. Your monthly sponsorship big or small helps us determine the amount of support we are able to provide the youth we serve. Every dollar makes a difference in their lives. You can make a difference in their lives by simply replacing one of your coffee or to-go meals for a monthly donation. It is that simple to make a huge impact! To make a donation, please head over to our website or find us on Venmo. Be sure to follow our stories on Instagram as we update weekly with all of the youth’s activities. Thank you again for all of your support over the years. We look forward to partnering with you again in 2023 to continue blessing these incredibly resilient young ladies. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The post GRACE 2022 Year-In-Review appeared first on GRACE.

Written By Paresa Moosa

Human trafficking has an adverse effect on its victim’s, both psychologically and physiologically. As for the psychological aspects; PTSD, depression, and anxiety can all be common for victims. The topic of substance abuse in relation to trafficking  often forgotten about. Some victims may have previous addictions to substances prior to being trafficked, while others are coerced and eventually develop an addiction to substances that are either around them or they are forced to use.

Coercion & Manipulation

According to an investigation done by the National Institute on Drug Abuse done in 2017, research found that 63.8% of victims are targeted by threats of force, fraud, or coercion. Within the same investigation 33.2% of victims reported exploitation of substance abuse. 

Traffickers often use “bait” or “leverage” to draw in victims. This “bait” or “leverage” can be physical abuse, blackmail, and substance abuse, leading victims to feel trapped physically and/or mentally. Trafficker’s sometimes known as “pimps” use manipulation for their personal gain. Traffickers search for ways to trap victims whether they suffer from addiction or not, but if they are already struggling with addiction this makes them especially vulnerable. Beside substance abuse being torturous and deadly, it is an expensive addiction, with traffickers often using persuasion that they will be able to supply the victim’s addiction.  

Financial Stability

For those who are financially struggling, the promise of financial stability may seem like the only opportunity that will work. Some traffickers force victims to use  “uppers” which can be taken in the form of cocaine and  methamphetamine, keeping the victim awake longer, and allowing for the trafficker to profit off of them more so.  Alternatively, they may also supply or force victims to use downers, which can also be known as opioids or alcohol, dulling the pain and the reality of their situation. While other victims may not be forced to use drugs; they may use it for their personal escape. Illegal substances are commonly found in environments where human trafficking takes place, whether it be through traffickers, sex buyers aka “Johns,” or other victims. Due to illegal substances being commonly found around victims, they may be more inclined to using them. Victims of abuse often search for an escape from reality or for something to numb the pain, making it common for victims of human trafficking to develop these painful addictions. 

Recovery

The journey of recovery for victims is not a simple path and it requires a lot of strength and support. It may also take a lot of time, sometimes even years. Recovery does not only consist of healing from broken trust, physical pain, and broken relationships, and isn’t only about regaining a sense of who you are and attempting to instill stability back into life. Recovery is also about dealing with new mental health disorders, eating disorders, and addictions that may not have been present in the beginning. It is not a simple journey, and recovery from addiction in and of itself is long and difficult, especially when it coincides with being a victim of such tremendous trauma, it can at times, almost feel impossible. 

Thanks to programs such as G.R.A.C.E, Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous, San Diego Youth Services and so many more, victims have a safe place to seek assistance. These programs are specifically tailored to the needs that one would require after such immense trauma. This journey to recovery is truly a difficult one but it is not impossible, and with constant support we may help pave a road to recovery.

Sources Cited:

https://archives.drugabuse.gov/blog/post/human-trafficking-and-drugs  

https://sharedhope.org/the-problem/trafficking-terms/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CJohn%E2%80%9D%20  

The post Substance Abuse in Human Trafficking appeared first on GRACE.

Written by Alexis Romo

When we hear about human trafficking, we usually think about the buying and selling of people for sex. It’s no surprise that we mostly talk about the sexual exploitation aspect of trafficking – but today I want to talk about the less-mentioned forms of trafficking. 

Last month, I interviewed Marjorie Saylor – a human trafficking survivor and founder of San Diego’s “The Well Path.” She talked about how sexual exploitation was actually a small part of her trafficking experience, and that the majority of her time being trafficked was in the labor area. I have to be honest, I was genuinely surprised to hear that. I know that human trafficking also entails forced labor, but I had never actually heard of anyone’s experience being more labor-driven. I admit, part of not knowing is due to my own ignorance and not doing research, but after talking to Saylor I wondered why labor trafficking wasn’t talked about as much as sex trafficking. 

According to HumanTraffickingHotline.org, “Labor trafficking is a form of human trafficking where victims are made to perform a task through force, fraud or coercion as it occurs in the United States.” A huge area where trafficking is prevalent is in the agricultural industry. A lot of people who work in agriculture come to the United States on a H-2A visa, which is a visa that allows foreign workers into the U.S. for temporary agricultural work. I was reading a story on HumanTraffickingHotline.org that talked about a man named Daniel who came to the U.S. on an H-2A, and was quickly concerned that he might be in a trafficking situation. His employer confiscated his passport, did not provide adequate pay, and required Daniel to work extremely long days. He was scared to leave because if you leave your employer on an H-2A, your visa is canceled and you get deported. If this happens, you may not be allowed to work in the U.S. again. 

But that’s not the only business that’s known for forced labor. Many massage parlors are fronts for sex trafficking rings. These are called Illicit Massage Businesses, or IBMs. According to an article on PolarisProject.org, there are over 9,000 IBMs open for business in the U.S., and they produce around $2.5 billion annually. The problem with these massage parlors is that the mainstream media has conditioned us to believe that sexual encounters during massages are something normal and okay. We’ve fostered some type of cultural acceptance that the “happy endings” are actually happy endings. Using the phrase “happy ending” actually insinuates that while commercial sex is illegal, it’s okay in this situation. To the women working in this industry, the term “happy ending” is ironic. Most of these workers, like Daniel, are immigrants who are seeking financial stability, but are often too scared to speak out about these abuses for fear of losing their jobs. 

In countries like India and Pakistan, bonded labor is a huge marker of human trafficking that often – if not exclusively – involves children. The entire premise of bonded labor is to pay off debt. However, if your parents have debt and they die before they can pay it all off, it’s passed onto the children. If the children don’t have the financial means to pay off their parents’ debt, they’re put to work. If the child cannot pay off the debt, it’s passed onto their children and so on. This results in a seemingly never ending cycle of forced labor. The debt can be passed down generations, and children can be held in debt bondage for things their parents & grandparents could not pay for. 

Now, this article isn’t meant to downplay the seriousness of sexual exploitation. I want to shine light on labor trafficking because I genuinely had no idea that it’s as prevalent as it is, and I want to bring awareness to all types of trafficking. I didn’t know that the strawberries I buy could have been picked by a victim of human trafficking, and I didn’t know that the massage parlor down the street from where I live can have active cases of exploitation and forced labor. All in all, we should strive to bring awareness to all types of trafficking so that we can identify the signs and help victims come out of their abusive situations. 

The post Human Trafficking: More than Sexual Exploitation appeared first on GRACE.

Written by Alexis Romo

Our culture and society seem to have it ingrained in them that we should “forgive and forget” – insinuating that the only path to forgiveness is to forget the wrongdoings against you. How can you forget some of the worst traumas you’ve had? How can you forget the darkest points in your life? Trying to forget such a huge part of your life is most definitely going to result in frustration and guilt. We physiologically can’t control what memories do and don’t stay with us, but we can control which ones we focus on and our reaction towards them. It’s important to know how and when to set mental health boundaries for yourself. Acknowledging, reflecting, and coping are what lead to a successful recovery. Remember, but don’t dwell. 

Sometimes the anger gets the best of us – how can it not? But in the long-run, we need to remember that unchecked anger and frustration can lead to more mental conflict. You have the right to feel angry. You were wronged. Your anger is valid and justified, but that doesn’t mean you have to feed into it. Acknowledge, reflect, and cope. 

Accepting what happened to us is often seen as though we’re giving up and letting the abuser win, saying that what they did is okay. Acceptance does not mean justification – it means you acknowledge what has happened and understand that you have/had no control over that. Acceptance doesn’t mean reconciliation. We sometimes get it into our heads that because we’ve forgiven and accepted what’s happened, we need to reconcile with our abusers. We absolutely do not. We do not have control over how other people feel, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Although we hope and wish that some day our abusers will see their wrongdoings, we can’t control how they feel about their actions. 

Oftentimes, we struggle with forgiveness because it’s looked at as an emotional outcome. We don’t always have to feel better about forgiving. In fact, not everyone does. We try to forgive for the sake of closure and mental peace, but sometimes that isn’t the case, and that’s okay. We can control our actions but not our emotions. Let yourself feel. Remember, but don’t dwell. 

There is no straight path to forgiveness and recovery. Sometimes we slip up, and that’s okay. But constantly focusing on the fact that we can control our actions and therefore guide our emotions, we may be able to see ourselves and our offenders in a new light.

The post Forgiving for You appeared first on GRACE.

Written by Alexis Romo

California is one of the leading states in human trafficking rates. With San Diego being a border town to Tijuana, Mexico, there’s a significantly higher rate in trafficking cases. Last week, I had the chance to speak to Marjorie Saylor – a human trafficking survivor and advocate for recovery and awareness in San Diego. After going through her own experience with trafficking, Saylor has been extremely dedicated in rehabilitating survivors of trafficking through her foundation “The Well Path.” This is her story. 

I see that you’re the founder of The Well Path. Can you tell us a bit more about it? How did it become what it is today?

The Well Path was founded in 2017, so it’s not that old – it’s only 3 years old. I [started because I] realized that there’s more of a need for support for sex trafficking survivors. I’ve been working with other nonprofits to house people for up to 2 years. When I graduated college I started the program. Now we have emergency hotel shelters, and can pay for emergency airfare. Our first year we provided 50 nights and 200 our second year, and this year we’re at almost 300 nights. It continues to grow all of this year – we’ve seen a much higher need of services due to covid. 

I wonder if the Coronavirus has had any impact on the amount of trafficking. Have you seen a change in the amount of women reaching out for help? Do you think COVID has impacted the way traffickers exploit?

Their tactics are still the same. It didn’t change up a whole lot as far as how they’re interacting with victims but we have definitely seen at least a double increase in need for support.  We haven’t really seen a reduction in trafficking because of covid so it’s not stopping that, but we definitely are seeing people that are more concerned. There is no stopping the trafficking. We are seeing more people who are concerned. Covid is a new excuse for people to settle down and figure their lives out. 

It definitely goes without saying that coming out of trafficking is a great feat in and of itself. How were you able to cope with it all during and after your experience?

During my last trafficking experience – because I have experienced several forms of trafficking/exploitation throughout my life – the vulnerabilities that pushed me into that was early childhood sex abuse at home, growing up in a home with domestic violence, and I ran away from home at 15 and ended up in situation after situation of exploitation. Primarily, labor trafficking was my experience, although I did have a period of time where I was exploited through the adult industry… until my life was threatened and I decided to walk away from that. My last abuser was also a labor trafficker and he was also my daughter’s father. The relationship started off as a romantic relationship and then a couple of months into it it turned into something completely different and I was trapped. He threatened to hurt my family if I left, so I was stuck with him and I became pregnant. He forced me to use drugs and he beat me. The way I coped with that, I feel like it took a lot of effort to fight the effects of the drugs. I remember constantly trying to control my heart rate and my breathing, and I’ve learned how to meditate and that was pretty much all I could do. I didn’t realize I had a lot of other options. At the time I felt like I was stuck with him. I had to stay with him, otherwise my family would be hurt.

Looking back now, I realize that I could have left. I just tried to survive it. Six months into my pregnancy I couldn’t take it anymore and I tried to end my life. That wasn’t the plan for my life. I ended up having my daughter a week after she was overdue, perfectly healthy. 11 months later I was still with my abuser. Her father. It was until she started reacting negatively to the abuse I was enduring where something switched in my mind and I got that motivation to snap out of the helplessness and hopelessness I was in. By the way, it took a few days to get out. Once I made the decision to leave, I left and I never went back. She was my motivation. That first year I dove into spiritual healing. I wanted to better myself to better her – my main focus was her. One thing led to another and I got connected to different programs and resources, and it wasn’t until maybe two or three years out that I finally started to get help for PTSD and the other mental health components. 

A recurring theme in people who have been trafficked and exploited is the feeling of guilt. They often find themselves thinking that it’s their fault that they’ve been trafficked. Did you ever experience any of these feelings? 

In regards to experience with sex trafficking, I felt a lot more guilt and shame than I did with labor trafficking. It impacted me more spiritually, although mentally the impact is the same because it’s stress after stress on my body. Spiritually the sex impacted me greater. Even though it was a brief amount of time, it definitely impacted my life and that’s why I choose to work with sex trafficking survivors today. Initially I was predisposed to exploitation because I was sexually abused as a child, so when you experience that type of abuse, you make a connection that relates sex to love. You give yourself away wanting for and looking for love. When it isn’t returned, you wonder what’s wrong with you. Then you realize you’re just wanted for sex. In a way to empower yourself you try to take control of the situation – you get to choose who, why, when and where and how much money you can make off of this. You have to tell yourself you’re choosing to do this to cope with it and be okay with it. I was never okay with it. I had to drink and sometimes use drugs to get through it. Shame and guilt is something that’s really hard to let go of. It keeps you in it. At the same time it keeps you stuck in the “this is all i’m good for” mindset.

When you have someone who’s coercing you and manipulating you it adds a whole lot to it. It starts off as a way to empower yourself and it ends up being exploitation. It was hard to let go of, and it was hard to see myself as a valuable and worth something, or capable of the things I can accomplish today. Never in a million years did I think that I would be able to do the things I’ve accomplished today. That’s the shame and guilt that tells you that that’s all you’re good for. Why do you stay in the situation of abuse? In my case, you feel helpless in a situation where you feel like your abuser has full control. You feel like they’ve completely isolated you from friends and family. You have no resources to reach out to or you don’t want to admit it because you feel like it’s your fault. It’s your mistake. Your choices. There’s also an element of family and friends that weren’t really there, so you really don’t  feel like you have anybody to reach out to. Reaching out to a perfect stranger is more ideal. You’re constantly bombarded with this reality that’s being put on you that the trafficker is the only one who wants you and who can put up with you. In a situation where you’re forced by threats against family, yourself, or friends, you’re even more in a position of helplessness because you’re afraid of other people – or even yourself – being hurt on your behalf. That’s another reason why you stay. I also had good credit before him, but that was completely ruined afterwards, so I had no way of providing for myself. When I did leave, I had no idea how I was going to sustain myself. I was lucky enough to reach out to family and get a roof over my head. That is what got me to where I am today. I was able to get on welfare and I went to food banks. I went through college on my own without student loans. I became very resourceful. When you’re driven enough to not go back to that kind of a life, you will do whatever it takes. 

I’m curious to know more about how traffickers are targeting and exploiting victims, and how we can identify some signs that someone is at risk for being trafficked or is already being trafficked?

They know what to look for and what questions to ask. I told my last abuser my life story the first night. He knew what to use against me. He knew what to say. I thought I was with someone who was going to make my dreams come true and it was all a lie. When you’re looking for love and companionship, you’re willing to look for it wherever. He paid attention to me. He wanted me 24/7. Nobody had ever wanted me around the whole time, and so I thought “This is love.” They learn really quickly what your needs are and try to make it seem like they’re being met. That’s called coercion. That’s where it starts. 

How can people who haven’t experienced anything like this help those who have? 

Mainly, I think changing perspective on how someone ends up in a situation like this to begin with. Instead of looking at someone and thinking, “Wow, their life is a mess, they made bad choices…” or whatever, try thinking what got them there. We need to see more empathy. We need to see more people caring. We need to talk about it and educate each other. We can’t protect our children and we can’t teach men how to appreciate and value women without education, so talking about the issue is definitely a number one.

Click HERE to learn more about The Well Path and the amazing work they are doing.

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Written by Alexis Romo

Recovering from a trauma takes a lot of time and effort, but through self-care, a good support system, and reaching out for help, recovery and rehabilitation is possible. 

It’s important to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to react to being assaulted. Some people experience anxiety, shock, panic attacks, and even guilt, shame, or disgust. To understand these reactions, we have to remember that our brains have a rational side and an intuitive side. When in dangerous situations, you react with your intuitive side, which is the side that tries to keep you safe from harm. It’s where your “fight vs. flight” instinct kicks in. Your brain only has a split-second decision to react, so it overrides any conscious thought, in order to protect you. 

After experiencing an assault, you might have flashbacks, which are unprocessed memories. Because these memories are so traumatic, your brain wants to push them to the back of your consciousness and not think about them, but this can actually make it much harder to deal with in the future. To cope with a flashback, stop and think about what you’re doing. Was there something that triggered you? Identify that trigger and try to rationalize it. Do something that will relax you, such as mindful breathing or listening to music. 

Anxiety is also a huge effect of sexual assault. I personally like to use the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Describe 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can hear, and 1 thing you can touch. This helps you come back down to Earth and get out of that anxiety-ridden fog. 

Sometimes, it helps to think or write about what happened. Although this isn’t the most comfortable exercise, it might help to “get things out” and process what happened to you instead of avoiding it. Acknowledge your pain, cope, and recover. 

Having a good support system is also a great way to guide you on your way to recovery. Make a list of a couple of friends who you can trust and call when you’re feeling uneasy or need a distraction. Try not to isolate yourself or avoid activities. Sometimes we need distractions. 

Creating a routine throughout the day is also a simple and easy way to create a sense of stability and control – something you might have trouble feeling after a trauma. 

Keep in mind that taking care of yourself is a huge factor in recovery. Take some time to meditate, go to a yoga class, or read a good book. There is no one road to recovery, and the road you take won’t always be smooth-sailing. You’ll have bumps and even a few setbacks, but remember that you deserve to live the best life you can.

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