Romance is in the air – but like the movies or is it a tactic?

Most of us can name our favorite romance movie. You know, the one where the guy meets the girl, swoops her off her feet, saves her in her time of need. We sometimes think that kind of love only happens in fairy tales, and some of us are lucky enough to experience it in real life.

Unfortunately, this picture perfect, best-seller movie kind of love also looks a lot like a tactic used by traffickers to build a close relationship with at-risk youth in order to gain their trust and exploit them. What makes a youth “at-risk”? This can look like a child living in poverty or foster care without a safe support system and having to depend on someone else to meet their essential needs like food, shelter, and security. Combine that with a national epidemic of loneliness and isolation, traffickers look to weaponize this in the form of a loving relationship.

How to Talk About Trafficking Relationships

With February revolving around love with the celebration of Valentine’s day, it is important to understand unhealthy signs in relationships and ensure the safety of yourself, your loved ones and San Diego youth. Let’s start with a little bit of terminology.

• Grooming is when a predator builds a relationship based on charm or helpfulness with a child or adult to exploit or abuse them. This relationship is built upon trust with intentions to control, isolate or abuse victims emotionally, physically or sexually.

• Love Bombing is a manipulative tactic in which predators will smother partners with affection early on in the relationship in an effort to build trust and dependence. This is intended to cause a power imbalance and a feeling of obligation causing the partner to abide by any abuse or request made by the love bomber in the future.

• Boyfriending is when a predator, usually an older man, will form a romantic relationship with an at-risk youth. This is often paired with gift-giving and promising a desirable future together. After trust is built, the predator will encourage their partner to exploit themselves to make money for “their future”.

How Predators Weaponize Romance

According to Hope for Justice, 39 out of 44 girls who have been trafficked were groomed online first, and the NIH found that 31% of trafficking cases began with official romantic relationships. Predators in these cases utilize social media or dating profiles to identify risks who may be more vulnerable to trafficking. They often look for indications of loneliness, poor family relationships or family trauma, alcohol or drug abuse, or a lack of basic necessities like housing or food.

Because so much of the trust-building occurs in the early stages of these relationships, it is important to understand the warning signs of grooming, love bombing, and boyfriending.

Grooming tends to be the most well known of these three trafficking methods. Oftentimes someone the youth knows will suddenly desire a closer, and more private, relationship. This is followed by flattery and gift giving to build dependence and gain leverage to use as a means of control in the future.

Love bombing is much more emotional, and can be detected by excessive affection, premature “I love you’s” and a focus on forming a codependent relationship to abuse.

Boyfriending is very similar to love bombing, however it includes more of a material aspect. Predators will enter romantic relationships and give gifts and promise a better future for their partner. In doing so, they will manipulate their partner into believing they need them to exploit themselves for money for a very small amount of time, however this exploitation will later be used as a form of blackmail.

Another tactic commonly used by traffickers is isolation to eliminate an escape route. In any relationship, consider the opinions and concerns of loved ones, as they may be able to see past certain potential concerns. Additionally, as a family member and loved one, it is important to speak up if you see anything suspicious in the relationships of those you care about. Sadly, many people do not know about the ways traffickers target and manipulate people through romantic relationships, and can overlook the danger they may be in.

Romantic movies are worth watching, and a love fit for the big screens does exist, but in all relationships; trust your gut and community, and remember the warning signs and tactics used by predators in the process of exploiting youth.

Resources

If you or someone you know is in a relationship like this and are concerned, here are steps you can take:

• Call the National Human Trafficking Hotline toll-free hotline at 1-888-373-7888: Anti-Trafficking Hotline Advocates are available 24/7 to take reports of potential human trafficking.
• Text the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 233733. Message and data rates may apply.
• Read more at How to Talk to Youth About Human Trafficking: A Guide for Youth Caretakers and Individuals Working with Youth

Girls Rising Above Child Exploitation is a San Diego-based nonprofit and works to support, empower, and provide services to trafficked, exploited, and at-risk youth. Learn more at https://girlsrisingabove.org/